We read about Jacob and his two wives Leah and Rachel in Genesis 29 and 30. Leah desperately wanted her husband Jacob to love her. But Jacob loved her sister Rachel.
Leah was unloved.
After Leah’s father tricked Jacob into marrying her, she found herself caught up in a circle of deceit, jealousy, victimhood and strife. Leah had to compete for her husband’s affections. Her younger sister was more beautiful and she captivated Jacob. Leah always had to live in the shadow of her younger sister.
Being unloved is probably the most difficult situation to find yourself in. Being loved gives a person value and identity. Leah’s identity was the “the ugly sister.” She was valued so little by her father that he had to use trickery to marry her off.
Leah was probably quite willing to go along with her father’s plan of trickery. She probably thought she could make Jacob love her eventually. But on day one of their marriage, it was clear that she still had no value as Jacob made a deal to secure her sister Rachel for marriage the following week.
How devastating for Leah to think she finally had what she wanted in Jacob, only to be scorned the next day by not being good enough.
Leah became the victim – even though she agreed with the plan, Leah was now in desperate need of a savior.
The Lord had compassion on Leah and began to bless her with children. But you can see where Leah’s focus was as she named each of her children out of her desire to be loved by Jacob.
When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, "It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now." She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too." So she named him Simeon. Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons." So he was named Levi.
You can see that Leah’s desire during the birth of her first three sons were all focused on winning Jacob’s approval and love. Leah had Jacob on a pedestal and put the desire for his love higher than her desire for God’s love. She worshiped Jacob because she thought he could save her from being the victim and bring her peace.
When we turn to people or things to give us peace, we will ALWAYS be disappointed. There is only One Person who has the power to bring us true peace. The Lord is the only One who can restore value and identity to a person. Idolatry of a person will only lead to heartache.
Leah finally stopped trying to get Jacob to love her when she had her fourth son.
Genesis 29:35 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "This time I will praise the LORD." So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.
When she gave birth to the fourth one she named him Judah. She turned her eyes to the Lord and instead of trying to gain Jacob’s approval she praised the Lord. This is the point at which Leah got out of the ditch of being a victim. She stepped down onto the Path of Life and said,
God’s love is enough for me so I will praise Him.
Leah was looking to Jacob to be her rescuer. She was crying out to Jacob with each child she bore – “Please love me! Please rescue me! Give me identity. Give me value.” Leah finally learned after four sons that all earthly RESCUERS will disappoint us.
There is only One person who can truly rescue us, that is the Lord. He is the only one who can bring us true peace. Our value and identity can only come from Him – otherwise we are bowing down to idols.
Jacob was an idol to Leah. She believed the lie that if only Jacob would love her, she would have peace because she would belong somewhere. The truth is that she DID belong somewhere. She belonged to God. She was deeply loved and deeply valued simply because of who her Creator was. God doesn’t make “ugly sisters.” If Leah would have had her identity rooted in God before Jacob came to town, she probably would have stood up to her father when he hatched the plan to trick Jacob into marrying her.
A woman who has her identity and value in the Lord has no need to “catch” a husband to rescue her.
True peace comes from having relationships in the right priority. If we are in a codependent relationship we are allowing someone other than God to be on the throne. Putting God first in everything in our lives will bring us peace with God. It will also create a foundation of peace in your heart that when the circumstances around us are in chaos, we will have the peace that surpasses understanding.
If you are a man or a woman who is looking to another person for their value, I invite you to rearrange your heart and bring down every idol. It might seem scary at first but it is completely worth it. When Jesus is on the throne of your heart you do not need another person’s approval. And when Jesus is on the throne of your heart another person’s disapproval can never steal your peace again.
Steps to Wholeness:
Father God, please forgive me for having ________________ on the throne of my heart I know that only You can bring me true peace. I invite you to sit on the throne of my heart and ask You to help me keep the relationships of my life in the right order. In Jesus Name
If past family members have trouble with the approval/disapproval of man you might need to
breakoff a generational curse (click here).
If you have been programmed to have people on the throne instead of Jesus or if you have substantial soul ties with another person you may need to break ungodly soul ties with them. pray breaking soul ties prayer (click here).
Don’t forget to seal it up! (sealing up prayer here)