How to Break the Hold of a Narcissist

All narcissists are swindlers.

They swindle you out of money, time, energy, and intelligence through a false relationship. They take all of these things from you in order to build their own kingdom.

When you finally tell narcissists "NO!" they point the finger at you and complain that you aren't very loving or they call you rebellious.

But the truth remains - having a relationship with a narcissist and never telling them no will cost you almost everything.

As a Believer, you are not called to build anyone else's kingdom... not even your own.

We are called to build an everlasting Kingdom by bringing heaven to earth. You were born to build a Kingdom that is not of this world.

Be careful that you are not wasting your life and your calling by serving a Narcissist's kingdom.

Six signs of narcissism:

1. They don't listen well to others.

2. They know more. They know better. They are superior.

3. The rules don't apply to them.

4. Can dish out criticism, but can't take it.

5. It's never their fault. It's always yours.

6. They believe others exist to meet their own needs.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it's time to break their hold on you! Use this BREAKING UNGODLY SOUL TIE tool...(Click Here) and stop their controlling influence...God did not create you to build a kingdom for a narcissist. You are just as valuable to God as they are. Stop letting narcissists tell you what to do.

Love God first. Then love people. Keeping this correct order of love will protect you from wasting your life.

Needing Someone to Rescue Your Life? One Simple Shift Can Make the Difference

I have a plausible theory.   I think Adam and Eve were co-dependent.

Let me lay the ground work.  Codependency is relying on something or someone other than God as your source of value and identity.   Since the fall in the Garden, we all have the innate desperate need of a savior.  We instinctively know that our souls are ‘naked’ and every human being has to deal with the same lies that the enemy told Eve.  You are not safe, and you do not have value.  When Eve believed those lies, she was duped into believing that we must ‘save’ ourselves.  This is why she ate from the tree that was forbidden. She believed the lie that God was not a trustworthy Savior.

Of course, they realized their error right away.  For as soon as they had turned to ‘self-sufficiency’ as their savior, their world came tumbling down.  This beautiful paradise could no longer be their home.  The deep abiding peace they had lived in was slowly  engulfed in fear and hardship.  God had a plan to redeem them, but He would have to cut them off from the Garden of Eden so they would not partake of the Tree of Life and thereby living eternally in a state of fallenness.

Adam and Eve heard God’s plan for redemption when he cursed the serpent.  He said, “And I will put enmity (or animosity) between you and the woman, and between your offspring

and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”

The offspring that God was referring to foreshadowed Christ coming to earth as a human to be crucified and crushing sin and death in the process.  The fulfillment of His words didn’t happen for 4000 years.  That is a very LONG time to see a prophecy come forth!

Adam nor Eve could have conceived of the coming of Christ.  My theory, based on the fruit of the first family, is that they believed it would be their first born son, Cain (their offspring) that would crush the head of the serpent so that they could return to their beautiful Garden and the deep peacefulness of close fellowship with God.

I further believe that they raised their son Cain to also think that he was the savior.  You have seen families in your lifetime who have lifted up one of the family members to be the rescuer.  The star athlete gives the rest of the family an identity.  Or the eldest in a family is counted on for their protection or provision.  When we get our identity, protection or provision from anyone or anything but God we are using a false idol to be our savior. 

I believe Adam and Eve put Cain on a pedestal as the savior, and Cain believed them. You can see his arrogance in his fruit.  In Genesis 4, God chastises Cain and rebukes him for not ‘doing what is right.’  God further warns Cain that sin is crouching at his door and must master it.  Cain did not humble himself after this. Instead, he lured his brother to a field and murdered him.  

Instead of God being on the throne of Cain’s heart, Cain was sitting on the throne in his own heart and in the hearts of his parents.  This is the simple definition of co-dependency, someone or something other than God being on the throne.

OK – hard truth coming! 

The Church in many ways is co-dependent.  We count on our pastor to rescue us.  Or we put a picture perfect fantasy life on the throne and say “If I could only live that life, I would be rescued.”   We look to our spouse to give us value.  We look to food or money to comfort us.  These are all false idols on the thrones in our heart.  They will never satisfy.  They will only lead to heartache as it did in the first family.

The true Rescuer came to earth and they crucified Him on a cross.  He was full of grace and truth. He rose again from the dead and is still our Rescuer.

Jesus has everything we need.  He is the One who gives us our identity.  He is the One who values us. We have no need for any other human, or fantasy, or money, or false comforters to rescue us.

We must learn to trust in the One who is seated on the throne and let Him replace all other false rescuers.  It is only then that we will stop needing to constantly be rescued.  The True Rescuer awaits your cry for help.

Steps to Wholeness

If you recognize that you have a rescuer other than Jesus your first step to wholeness is simply confessing it to the Lord.  Maybe you ARE the person trying to be a rescuer, you also need to repent.

1) Confess to God that you have a false idol on the throne.  

2) Command the idol (mountain) to be cast into the sea. (Sometimes I picture kicking the pedestal out from underneath the idol.)

3) Ask Jesus to sit on the throne of your heart in every area.

Keep Jesus on the throne by asking the Lord for conviction whenever you look to something or someone else to be your rescuer.

Co-Dependency may be generational.  

Click here to pray over generational sins of co-dependency

.

If you do a really deep work of dethroning idols - it is probably a good idea to pray the Sealing Up Prayer 

(found here) 

 when you are done.

America IS Great! ...but We Are Not the Favorite

The sin of mastery is the root of bullying, racism, slavery, misogyny, feminism and nationalism.  Mastery occurs when someone considers themselves the Master of another.  One race considers themselves better than another, a gender considers themselves better than another, or a nation considers themselves better than another nation.

The interesting part of the sin of mastery is that it comes about because of insecurity in the identity of the person considering themselves the Master.  Yes, pride can also be the reason, but for the most part – you’ll find that it begins with insecurity and the need to be in control is so great that one feels they must MASTER another to feel safe.

A person who is the Master basically sits on a throne of another person’s life and attempts to control their fate.  Bullies attempt to control the fate of their victims.  One race feels they are better than another and demands to be served by other races.  Slave masters dictate the lives of their slaves. Misogynists attempt to keep women under glass ceilings.  Feminists attempt to emasculate men.  One nation attempts to control another.

America has been guilty of considering itself the Master of the world.  There are a variety of reasons that we feel that we are the Answer and have a right to sit on the world’s throne.  We have been extremely blessed financially and militarily. 

Some have wanted to use our nation’s influence in benevolent ways.  Others have tried to use it for selfish reasons of greed and control.  Unfortunately when we decide that because we are the “rich” sibling of the world and we control and manipulate using that influence whether we are being benevolent OR being the dictator… we are guilty of the sin of mastery.

God loves America. But we are no better than other countries.  God adores each and every nation.  He desires that every nation will become a sheep nation and serve the One who created them.  There is a throne in each country that Jesus bought and paid for with His blood.  He deserves the throne of each nation for He is the King of Kings.  But one nation taking the throne of another nation is not what God expects from the “rich” sibling. 

Ditch #1:  America the Rich
Sometimes we take the throne because we see other nations hurting and we want to do all that we can to help.  There is a time and a purpose for this kind of help… however, when we help other countries by simply pouring out money and not helping them learn to care for themselves we create a co-dependent triangle.  Instead of nations learning to help themselves, they look to America to be their savior.  This creates systemic poverty… and we are forced to take a throne we were never meant to inhabit.  We can help financially and with aid, but it should never become a co-dependent relationship. 

We cannot pour money through a funnel into a nation without setting some boundaries.  It is unhealthy.  It is UNSANCTIFIED MERCY.  We must find a way to help other nations get back on their feet without creating dependents.  Nations need to depend on Jesus, the Provider.  Not America, the Benefactor.

Ditch #2 - America the Policeman
Sometimes we take the throne because we see other nations fighting, or we see evil rising up and feel the need to intervene.  We have every right to defend ourselves in war.  The government is charged with protecting its people in Romans 13.  (Rulers hold terror… for those who do wrong.)  The problem comes when we take the throne as the policeman of the world.  We become the Master because we have military might and agility. 

God has not called our nation to be the mediator of the world.  That would be like having one sibling of the family always having the right to intervene in sibling squabbles.  Sometimes it is simply none of our business.

There are certainly times to intervene.  But our “litmus” test for when we step into a conflict to mediate should be -- have our national boundaries been encroached?  Or is one of our friends (i.e. Israel) asking for help?

In this way we maintain a healthy outlook and we do not go beyond proper boundaries set forth for us by the One who sits on the throne.  Jesus is the mediator, not America.

America HAS been guilty of the sin of Nationalism.  The answer to getting out of the ditch ofhyper-grace (unsanctified mercy) and the ditch of hyper-truth (policeman of theworld) is that we stop considering ourselves the Master.  America must step down off of the throne as "The Answer to the world's problems" and begin to preach the Gospel of Jesus and how He IS THE ANSWER.

America is great!  But we are not the favorite...

Steps to Wholeness:
Please pray this prayer of repentance.

Father God please forgive America for considering ourselves the Master of other nations.  Forgive America for thinking we are better than others.  Forgive us for taking the throne that only belongs to You.  We pray for the countries that we have hindered with our unsanctified mercy.  Would You please restore them and break off the co-dependency we caused in their hearts?  Would You also restore the nations who have suffered because we took the throne as the policeman?  We ask You to restore these nations and their ability to stand up for themselves.

We pray You would restore all of the nations that we caused to stumble because we took Your place on the throne.  Please restore to our leaders wisdom to walk on the Path of Life and not repeat the sin of Nationalism.  We thank You for the blood of Jesus that cleanses and washes away our guilt.  We thank You for GRACE that empowers us to say NO to sin!  In Jesus name, AMEN.


Leah Was Unloved: Finding Peace in God Not Man

We read about Jacob and his two wives Leah and Rachel in Genesis 29 and 30.  Leah desperately wanted her husband Jacob to love her.  But Jacob loved her sister Rachel. 

Leah was unloved.

After Leah’s father tricked Jacob into marrying her, she found herself caught up in a circle of deceit, jealousy, victimhood and strife.  Leah had to compete for her husband’s affections.  Her younger sister was more beautiful and she captivated Jacob.  Leah always had to live in the shadow of her younger sister.

Being unloved is probably the most difficult situation to find yourself in.  Being loved gives a person value and identity.   Leah’s identity was the “the ugly sister.”  She was valued so little by her father that he had to use trickery to marry her off.

Leah was probably quite willing to go along with her father’s plan of trickery.  She probably thought she could make Jacob love her eventually.  But on day one of their marriage, it was clear that she still had no value as Jacob made a deal to secure her sister Rachel for marriage the following week.

How devastating for Leah to think she finally had what she wanted in Jacob, only to be scorned the next day by

not being good enough

.

Leah became the victim – even though she agreed with the plan, Leah was now in desperate need of a savior.

The Lord had compassion on Leah and began to bless her with children.  But you can see where Leah’s focus was as she named each of her children out of her desire to be loved by Jacob.

Genesis 29:31-34

When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, "It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now." She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too." So she named him Simeon. Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons." So he was named Levi.

You can see that Leah’s desire during the birth of her first three sons were all focused on winning Jacob’s approval and love.  Leah had Jacob on a pedestal and put the desire for his love higher than her desire for God’s love.  She worshiped Jacob because she thought he could save her from being the victim and bring her peace.

When we turn to people or things to give us peace, we will ALWAYS be disappointed.  There is only One Person who has the power to bring us true peace.  The Lord is the only One who can restore value and identity to a person.  Idolatry of a person will only lead to heartache. 

Leah finally stopped trying to get Jacob to love her when she had her fourth son.

Genesis 29:35 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "This time I will praise the LORD." So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.

When she gave birth to the fourth one she named him Judah.  She turned her eyes to the Lord and instead of trying to gain Jacob’s approval she praised the Lord.  This is the point at which Leah got out of the ditch of being a victim.  She stepped down onto the Path of Life and said,

God’s love is enough for me so I will praise Him.

Leah was looking to Jacob to be her rescuer.  She was crying out to Jacob with each child she bore – “Please love me! Please rescue me!  Give me identity.  Give me value.”  Leah finally learned after four sons that all earthly RESCUERS will disappoint us.

There is only One person who can truly rescue us, that is the Lord.  He is the only one who can bring us true peace.  Our value and identity can only come from Him – otherwise we are bowing down to idols.

Jacob was an idol to Leah. She believed the lie that if only Jacob would love her, she would have peace because she would belong somewhere.  The truth is that she DID belong somewhere.  She belonged to God.  She was deeply loved and deeply valued simply because of who her Creator was.  God doesn’t make “ugly sisters.”  If Leah would have had her identity rooted in God before Jacob came to town, she probably would have stood up to her father when he hatched the plan to trick Jacob into marrying her.

A woman who has her identity and value in the Lord has no need to “catch” a husband to rescue her. 

True peace comes from having relationships in the right priority.  If we are in a codependent relationship we are allowing someone other than God to be on the throne.  Putting God first in everything in our lives will bring us peace with God.  It will also create a foundation of peace in your heart that when the circumstances around us are in chaos, we will have the peace that surpasses understanding.

If you are a man or a woman who is looking to another person for their value, I invite you to rearrange your heart and bring down every idol.  It might seem scary at first but it is completely worth it.  When Jesus is on the throne of your heart you do not need another person’s approval.  And when Jesus is on the throne of your heart another person’s disapproval can never steal your peace again.

Steps to Wholeness:

Father God, please forgive me for having ________________ on the throne of my heart I know that only You can bring me true peace.  I invite you to sit on the throne of my heart and ask You to help me keep the relationships of my life in the right order.  In Jesus Name

If past family members have trouble with the approval/disapproval of man you might need to

breakoff a generational curse (click here).

If you have been programmed to have people on the throne instead of Jesus or if you have substantial soul ties with another person you may need to

pray thedeprogramming prayer (click here).

Don’t forget to seal it up! 

(sealingup prayer here)

Getting Off the Idolatry Pendulum

At the age of eight, I experienced a childhood trauma that caused me to be deeply wounded in my soul.  My parents’ divorce affected me greatly and I began to eat to mask my pain.  I remained addicted to food until my late 20s. 

During that time when pain would arise in my heart I would turn to food to bring me peace and comfort.  I basically said, “O gracious and wonderful food, make my pain go away!”  My pain WOULD go away for a small period of time – but there were consequences, like feeling uncomfortably full or gaining weight.

I would go from strict dieting to binge eating.  I would force myself to follow the strict dieting rules.  This would work for a period of time, but I would feel like I was in a prison so I would free myself by binge eating.  It was a pendulum swing back and forth and back and forth.  Hyper-dieting to Hyper-binging.  Repression to Indulgence.  Slavery to Rebellion.

I hated the thought that I would have to diet for the rest of my life.  I tried to make “bad” food my enemy, because I thought it would help - but I could never fully infuse the dieting rules into my mind.  I was enslaved to food.  I hated it and I loved it at the same time.

Since I was bowing down to food, I was giving it the right to control me.  It was my master and it made me powerless.  The lie I believed was that if I could just MAKE myself follow the rules that I would eventually get free.  But the slavery of the dieting rules caused rebellion to rise up in me. 

I felt powerless against the pendulum swing.  I desperately wanted to get off but I was blind to the reason for the pendulum in the first place.

“There are two ditches on either side of the path of life.” – Rick Joyner

Over the past fifteen years, I have come to understand that there is a comfortable path of life God has given us to travel on.  But there are also dangerous ditches on either side of the road. 

If we are spending time in a ditch, we are not fully living life.  If we are living life in a ditch, we are crippled and the enemy ends up taking us out of the game.

The Anatomy of the Pendulum
When we get tired of one ditch and we want to be delivered from it – we usually go clear over to the other ditch.  It is a pendulum back and forth between “lawlessness” and “legalism.” You could also refer to back and forth of the pendulum as “anarchy” and “control.” 

Hyper-grace to Hyper-truth.  I have only used food in my example – because it will probably resonate with the biggest number of Believers.

You can see this pendulum in the behavior of people who struggle with addiction.  Alcoholics go from being drunk to super-religious.  Abusers go from wanting to draw a person super close to pushing them away with violence.  People pleasers go from “please approve of me” to “I don’t care what you think at all.”  Sex/porn addicts go from insatiable sexual appetites to white-knuckled abstinence.  Money worshipers go from compulsive spending to extreme budgeting.

Some people who are in a ditch – do not swing back and forth on the pendulum.  Sex/porn addicts may simply stay in the “acting out” ditch.  Or perhaps they stay in the white-knuckle ditch.  Food worshipers, may stay for the most part in the strict dieting ditch – while others live life in the binging ditch.  Even if we are not on a pendulum and are living life in one of the ditches – we are still not free.  We are still worshiping an idol from that ditch and are not on the Path of Life.

Jesus came full of grace and truth.  He was 100% grace and 100% truth.  He is not grace OR truth – He is both.  He came to give grace to the humble and truth to the proud.  To acknowledge only one of these attributes of Christ is to acknowledge only half of the gospel.

The cross itself is the picture of the fullness of grace and truth.  The grace of the cross opens the way for those who are repentant to be restored.  Jesus’s blood paid the price once and for all, so that by grace we could enter into the holy of holies.  

The cross also gives truth to the proud.  The truth of God is that our sins demand justice.  We must humble ourselves at the truth that we cannot save ourselves.  We must bow at the feet of Jesus because we are in need of a savior. 

When Adam and Eve sinned, they stepped off of the path of life into a ditch.  They stepped into the ditch control.  Eve believed the lies of the serpent that God did not have her best interests at heart, so she stepped off of the path of life ate the forbidden fruit in order to bring herself peace.

Of course, Eve did not really bring herself peace, she brought herself pain. Before this original sin, the pendulum of life had been at rest.  But when Adam and Eve stepped off the path – the pendulum began to swing. 

The day the prophecy about Jesus crushing the head of the serpent became real at the cross – it was then that the pendulum stopped.

But it only stops for those who receive BOTH the grace and truth of the cross. To stop the back and forth between ditches and finally walk in peace on the path of life - we must understand what is really controlling the pendulum and what caused us to step off the path in the first place.

If we continually seek peace by serving an idol, we will never be delivered from the pendulum and walk on the Path of Life.  We must repent from serving an idol, take it off of its pedestal and then ask Jesus to sit on the throne of our lives.

"If we are looking to sex/porn, food, people pleasing or to give us peace, value or identity, we must recognize that we are bowing down to an idol. And every time we bow to this idol – we are saying that Jesus is not enough for us. We are saying that we love the idol more than we love Jesus."

Bowing down to an idol is disobedience.  Disobedience is more costly than we can even imagine.  We won’t truly understand the cost of our disobedience until we stand before Him on Judgment Day.  But we can partly understand by reading the Lord’s warnings to the 7 Churches in Revelation 2 and 3.

It really is as simple as this:  If you have a disobedience problem – you have a love problem.

If you love God you will obey Him.

John 14:23-24 Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.”

1 John 5:2-3 This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome…

Staying on the Path of Life requires that we balance the truth and grace of the cross.  If you are in a ditch, the truth of the cross says recognize that you are sinning and need to repent.  The grace of the cross says you don’t have to do it perfectly to have value, just get back up and try again.


Clinging to the cross – will keep us on the Path.

Who Is Your Rescuer?




   I have a plausible theory.   I think Adam and Eve were co-dependent.

Let me lay the ground work.  Codependency is relying on something or someone other than God as
your source of value and identity.   Since the fall in the Garden we all have the innate desperate need of a savior.  We instinctively know that our souls are ‘naked’ and every human being has to deal with the same lies that the enemy told Eve.  You are not safe and you do not have value.  When Eve believed those lies she was duped into believing that we must ‘save’ ourselves.  This is why she ate from the tree that was forbidden. She believed the lie that God was not a trustworthy Savior.

Of course they realized their error right away.  For as soon as they had turned to ‘self-sufficiency’ as their savior, their world came tumbling down.  This beautiful paradise could no longer be their home.  The deep abiding peace they had lived in was slowly
engulfed in fear and hardship.  God had a plan to redeem them but He would have to cut them off from the Garden of Eden so they would not partake of the Tree of Life and thereby living eternally in a state of fallenness.

Adam and Eve heard God’s plan for redemption when he cursed the serpent.  He said, “And I will put enmity (or animosity) between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”

The offspring that God was referring to foreshadowed Christ coming to earth as a human to be crucified and crushing sin and death in the process.  The fulfillment of His words didn’t happen for 4000 years.  That is a very LONG time to see a prophecy come forth!

Adam nor Eve could have conceived of the coming of Christ.  My theory, based on the fruit of the first family, is that they believed it would be their first born son, Cain (their offspring) that would crush the head of the serpent so that they could return to their beautiful Garden and the deep peacefulness of close fellowship with God.

I further believe that they raised their son Cain to also think that he was the savior.  You have seen families in your lifetime who have lifted up one of the family members to be the rescuer.  The star athlete gives the rest of the family an identity.  Or the eldest in a family is counted on for their protection or provision.  When we get our identity, protection or provision from anyone or anything but God we are using a false idol to be our savior. 

I believe Adam and Eve put Cain on a pedestal as the savior, and Cain believed them. You can see his arrogance in his fruit.  In Genesis 4, God chastises Cain and rebukes him for not ‘doing what is right.’  God further warns Cain that sin is crouching at his door and must master it.  Cain did not humble himself after this, instead he lured his brother to a field and murdered him.  

Instead of God being on the throne of Cain’s heart, Cain was sitting on the throne in his own heart and in the hearts of his parents.  This is the simple definition of co-dependency, someone or something other than God being on the throne.
OK – hard truth coming! 

The Church in many ways is co-dependent.  We count on our pastor to rescue us.  Or we put a fantasy life picture on the throne and say “If I could only live that life, I would be rescued.”   We look to our spouse to give us value.  We look to food or money to comfort us.  These are all false idols on the thrones in our heart.  They will never satisfy.  They will only lead to heartache as it did in the first family.
Steps to Wholeness
If you recognize that you have a rescuer other than Jesus your first step to wholeness is simply confessing it to the Lord.  Maybe you ARE the person trying to be a rescuer, you also need to repent.

1) Confess to God that you have a false idol on the throne.  
2) Command the idol (mountain) to be cast into the sea. (Sometimes I picture kicking the pedestal out from underneath the idol.)
3) Ask Jesus to sit on the throne of your heart in every area.

Keep Jesus on the throne by asking the Lord for conviction whenever you look to something or someone else to be your rescuer.

Co-Dependency may be generational.  Click here to pray over generational sins of co-dependency.
If you do a really deep work of dethroning idols - it is probably a good idea to pray the Sealing Up Prayer (found here)  when you are done.